The truest freedom we find
is truly letting go of
what we leave behind.
what we leave behind.
* * *
I am a collector.
Mainly, I am a collector of sentimental things. The last flower my grandfather smelled before he died. His binoculars and their worn leather case with the broken strap. Rocks from various mountain adventures across the United States and Canada. Sea glass from the coast of Maine. Postcards I write to a husband I don't even know. My father's sketchbook. All the short stories and poems I wrote as a child. Cards and notes from people I love.
But I am also a collector of memories. A scent, a sound, or a touch can transport me back to a specific place in time with relative ease. People tell me again and again, I can't believe you remember that!
I realized this Saturday what a burden this can be. I responded quite irrationally to being invited to eat at a restaurant which has a very distinctive smell, a smell I knew would get stuck to my clothes and stay in my hair the rest of my night. A smell that I still associate with a very painful period of my life.
And when I say "quite irrationally", I'm not exaggerating. I believe I replied, and I quote, "I would rather die of starvation than eat at that restaurant. You can go there by yourself if you want, but if you smell like it when you come back, you aren't allowed back in my car." Yes, I said it jokingly, but I'm pretty sure I was serious. How irrational is that?!
The very next day, during Sunday school class at church, we were studying the life of David and his encounter with Goliath. As he was getting ready to face the giant, David was offered King Saul's armor to wear for protection. He tried it on for size, but realized quickly that the armor which was meant to protect him was really putting him in greater danger. It weighed him down, decreased his agility, and was just plain uncomfortable. It wasn't made for him. He was never meant to wear it.
So David does the unthinkable. He strips off the protective armor and walks onto the battlefield in the clothes of a shepherd, armed only with a sling and a pile of stones. And by his faith in God, he defeats the giant.
I've realized that I am still bearing the weight of things I was never meant to carry, from memories I thought I had healed from. I don't know what my hesitation is in stripping bare and walking forward, unencumbered.
Mainly, I am a collector of sentimental things. The last flower my grandfather smelled before he died. His binoculars and their worn leather case with the broken strap. Rocks from various mountain adventures across the United States and Canada. Sea glass from the coast of Maine. Postcards I write to a husband I don't even know. My father's sketchbook. All the short stories and poems I wrote as a child. Cards and notes from people I love.
But I am also a collector of memories. A scent, a sound, or a touch can transport me back to a specific place in time with relative ease. People tell me again and again, I can't believe you remember that!
I realized this Saturday what a burden this can be. I responded quite irrationally to being invited to eat at a restaurant which has a very distinctive smell, a smell I knew would get stuck to my clothes and stay in my hair the rest of my night. A smell that I still associate with a very painful period of my life.
And when I say "quite irrationally", I'm not exaggerating. I believe I replied, and I quote, "I would rather die of starvation than eat at that restaurant. You can go there by yourself if you want, but if you smell like it when you come back, you aren't allowed back in my car." Yes, I said it jokingly, but I'm pretty sure I was serious. How irrational is that?!
The very next day, during Sunday school class at church, we were studying the life of David and his encounter with Goliath. As he was getting ready to face the giant, David was offered King Saul's armor to wear for protection. He tried it on for size, but realized quickly that the armor which was meant to protect him was really putting him in greater danger. It weighed him down, decreased his agility, and was just plain uncomfortable. It wasn't made for him. He was never meant to wear it.
So David does the unthinkable. He strips off the protective armor and walks onto the battlefield in the clothes of a shepherd, armed only with a sling and a pile of stones. And by his faith in God, he defeats the giant.
I've realized that I am still bearing the weight of things I was never meant to carry, from memories I thought I had healed from. I don't know what my hesitation is in stripping bare and walking forward, unencumbered.
2 comments:
Oh Beth, this touched my heart more than you might realize. I was literally moved to tears. Just a short year ago I was VERY weighted down. I want you to know you are very precious to me and I pray for you daily. You have really made an impact on me in the short time I have known you and as I've said before, You're one of my favorite parts of this "package deal" :)
Andrea
Your testimony took my mind back when I lay of burdens of my life.. I was fortunate last year to visit Israel. Was one of the best experiences in my life. We stayed in Tiberias for 2 nights and went on a boat trip on the Sea of Galilee the one evening. Our tour leader was talking to our group that night on the boat. He said that Jesus walked on this sea, He healed so many people around this sea. It was at this sea that He called his disciples.. All these Holy events took place here..
Our tour leader encouraged us that night to “throw” all our burdens and weight over board into the sea and let Jesus take care of that. I did that, I left my burden there in the Sea of Galilee. I had a very special meeting with the Holy spirit that night. We prayed for all our loved ones and the sick and unfortunate.. I gave my life again to Jesus Christ that night..
We are back in real life and now it feels so far away.. Thank you for posting this, it made me realise that one can not only give your burden to Jesus once.. Jesus definitely free you from everything once you totally surrender, but I think one should do it time and time again and remind yourself of times you did made a strong decision. I think you should “renew” your decisions time and time again..
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